FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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