The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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