$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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