We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
