i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you never un-have a 4some
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
