please come you make the beer taste better
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
