Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
