She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
