toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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