i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
