In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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