the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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