What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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