That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
