i just had sex bonerless
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
