i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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