I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
