So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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