god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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