haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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