You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
