I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
