i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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