My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
