This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
