i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
