There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
