Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
