my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
