hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
