I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
