Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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