I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
