and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
