Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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