I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
