We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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