I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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