My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
