I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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