so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
