it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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