how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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