ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
