I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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