I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
organizing the empties. That sober.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
