Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
