I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
