God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sponge bath it is.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
