I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
